This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
