Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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