I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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