Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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