nut hugger
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
