We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we're making bets on your personal life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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