Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
