I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
