the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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