Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
