Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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