Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
