get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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