you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
