So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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