Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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