I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
