dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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