I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
