If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
