Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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