You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
