Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
