How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
