I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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