I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
