dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
