Can i not drive my cunt home
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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