is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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