It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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