his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize