I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
