I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
