We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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