He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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