you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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