how can u be prego again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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