Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't put those talents on a resume
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize