They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
