Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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