Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
