She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
