Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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