you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize