I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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