Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
