dude i'm inner monologue high
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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