Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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