i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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