i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
