my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
