she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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