I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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