I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize