OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
