I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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