I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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