I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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