Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
