goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
