i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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