so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize