My first STD was from a foam party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
