you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
