dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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