just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
