I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
