haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
