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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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