Don't make out with my wife yet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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