I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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