i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
