1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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