was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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