Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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