Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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