So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
