i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
