hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize