trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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