nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
