I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
