Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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