I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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