She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
