I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
