Heybabeimwearingurpanties
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
