She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
