Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
