I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
