Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
