he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
