how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
