I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
