Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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