Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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