I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
