You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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