We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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