AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
