The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
