Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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