i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
